In 2018, when in the throes of the worst time of my life, I was given the opportunity to minister to women who are in abusive relationships. I was recruited by a friend who knew that this environment would help in my healing process, she knew this from her own experience.
I became a Victim Advocate for a domestic violence shelter and crisis center, with the education for my position came language I needed to better understand why I had reacted to my losses the way I had.
Learning about Trauma Informed Care was the starting place but one thing led to another as they often do, and I was introduced to authors, books and concepts I had never before known.
Prior to working as an Advocate, I would have told you that my life was in crisis. With my learning came the understanding that if you experience a series of little t traumas, the systems of your body can become overwhelmed and those little t’s added together can put you into a big T Trauma response.
In her book Try Softer Aundi Kolber says, “Little t trauma includes any experience that overwhelms your ability to cope and continues to feel disturbing.” A couple of her examples are: “experiencing grief or loss, experiencing intense transitions, going through a bad breakup, being the target of verbal/emotional abuse.” Hers is not an exhaustive list merely examples to which could be added loss of employment, loss of relationship(s), loss of faith community, loss of supportive institutional connections, loss of home, etc.
With this Trauma came a huge amount of grief and the emotional pain that affected my physicality. Since we are whole beings it was impossible for this not to happen. Some of the healing was simply giving myself permission to grieve. Some of the healing was learning the language I needed. Some of the healing was the good relationships in my life. Some of the healing was learning to accept that this was now part of my story.
The biggest part of my healing however was Hope. Hope is the expectation of something good. I could only have this kind of hope and hope can only be more than wishful thinking because of who God is and what He does. Long before the worst day of my life I had become a woman of Hope. Earlier in my life I saw my need for a more hopeful outlook and began to pray Romans 15:13 over myself. As I did this Romans 15:13 become my life verse, and Hope became my life word. At the worst time, this foundation of Hope kept me alive, figuratively and literally.
The verse I clung to during that hard time is one many Christians throughout history have clung to when we cannot see the end of pain or heartache. That verse is Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
I could not see how, I could not see when, but I did believe Scripture and I knew God’s character. He can be trusted. I held onto the Hope that this verse gives us; when we are in Christ, God is always at work for our good and His glory. I had no idea how it would all work out, and I was still a mess, but I knew eventually the good would come.
If you are still in the worst of it, know that God can be trusted. Let the faith of others carry you, in other words, it may not feel true right now but trust me, it is true, no matter how you feel. Hold on, God is at work. Healing and getting strong emotionally, spiritually and mentally is hard work but in the long run it is worth all the effort. You will become more resilient, and when you get to those better days ahead, you will be better equipped to live fully and thrive there.
Tonight, I pray my life verse for you, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
I would love to hear from you. Feel free to email me at: [email protected]
