This is not at all what I thought I would write about today. This being the “month of love” I had planned to get something around for Valentine’s Day. When that deadline came and went, I gave myself grace and decided I could be satisfied by getting it finished and shared before February ended. But like I said, what you’re about to read is not that, we’ll get to that another day I’m sure.
I knew I was in trouble when I was disappointed that I had to go to work yesterday. We had rain, sleet, and freezing rain in our area and the schools around us were closed; at 55 years old I was hoping for a snow day. I wanted to go back to bed, and I didn’t much have the desire to be around other people. I felt exhausted.
As the time for leaving was approaching and my inner anxiety was increasing, I quickly sent a text for prayer support, then left for work on time. What I have come to understand in recent years is that the emotion I was feeling was a red flag and should not be ignored. I was in need of some Soul Care and it could not wait.
I began to think about how to rearrange my schedule to make this happen. We chose not to attend a movie we’d been given free tickets to see, the weather gave me the leeway to do this without guilt. I rescheduled my monthly appointment with my Spiritual Director. (Trust me, I see the irony here, but she’d expect no less of me.) I asked my morning alarm, who is also my husband, to wake me 45 minutes later than usual. I shut off my phone and went to bed a half hour earlier than our already early bedtime.
This gave me the space I needed to breathe and drop any expectations I carry.
Before heading to bed last night I looked at the calendar hanging in the kitchen. As I counted the days in a row with activity and responsibility, it was suddenly no wonder that I was getting a red flag. We are all busy—busy is not the issue. The issue for me was the lack of margin and Soul Care in the schedule I had not managed well.
I seemed to have forgotten that when we say “yes” to one thing we automatically say “no” to something else. We mistakenly think that “an equal and opposite reaction” does not apply to us or our lives. But we are finite beings, we only have 24 hours in a day, no matter our calling or station in life; we cannot do it all. We are not equipped for only yeses.
Two recent yeses in my life have both been very good things. I had two hours added to my work schedule and that simple change doubled the time-off I can take. This will allow me to take unplanned time-off, say for a funeral, without interfering with our yearly vacation, a very good thing indeed. My second yes was starting a weekly small group in our home, which in just three weeks time has proven what a blessing this will be for all of us, another very good thing indeed. But because of these, something needed to give.
I knew I was struggling with developing a new rhythm of life for this new schedule but thought I had more time to work it out. I blindly went into both these yeses without considering where the noes would come from. Both of them seemed to come directly from my deliberate habits I call Soul Care.
A morning time of silence and solitude with God is vital for my well-being. This began to get neglected as I used my mornings to accomplish housework before leaving for work. I started to hit the floor running. Also important for my Soul Care is writing—sometimes to share, sometimes in a personal journal, sometimes emotional letters to others that end up in the shredder (very therapeutic). Sadly, this got neglected as I pushed it down the to-do list in response to the more urgent to-dos.
A key to both of these Soul Care practices is “time without input.” This for me means no: reading, listening to or watching something on an electronic device. When I’d hit the floor running I often did so while listening to a book or podcast or having a tv show running even if I wasn’t watching. Too much input means little time to think and makes it difficult to hear the still small voice.
Yesterday’s red flag got my attention.
We are a soul with a body and we are a body with a soul…we are a package deal. We cannot ignore our body or soul without causing ourselves problems. My red flag was minor compared to what it could have been. If we ignore the minor red flags we could be stopped instead by a major health crisis or mental health crisis. If we don’t deal with things properly, straight on, they will come out anyway, and sometimes sideways.
I am thankful I could rearrange my schedule in such short order. I know this is a blessing and I do not take it for granted. Today’s silence, slow start, writing, and peace was much needed. But now I must do the hard work of figuring out a new rhythm—one that will be life-giving and sustainable for this season and schedule. I must put the margins back if I am to serve well the places I have chosen or been called to serve.
Whether you call it Soul Care or Self Care it is a form of self love. Though not the love message I intended to share this February, it is crucial that we not neglect it. We can only give out of what we have. It will be impossible to love others as you love yourself, if you don’t figure out how to love yourself well.
What nourishes your soul?
If you don’t know the answer to that question I would encourage you to get curious until you have the answer. We cannot be whole with a neglected soul. If you’ve been ignoring red flags because they seem minor and you think you can tough it out, I would ask you to please take them seriously.
If you have problems with this, it could be due to your lack of boundaries. I would highly recommend the book: Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. Any work you do in this regard will eventually reap benefits.
Blessings to you as you begin (or continue) this journey.
